Elliana Hope-Zinash Williams

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Zinash is the name that was given to Elliana by her birthmother...it means "famous one". This was a blessing bestowed on her by her first mom and we would never want to take that from her. :)

I can't believe it!

She's ours!!

Details and a sweet montage coming soon!! :)

The Highs and Lows

It's hard to believe we've made it to this moment. In just a few hours, a judge 7300 miles from here will be in a court room with Elliana's first mommy, deciding if her second mommy can come to get her. Talk about another indescribable occasion.

Recently I was given the advice by my agency to prepare to NOT pass court the first time and then just be happy if we do. That everyone is told there is a good chance that they will not pass but no one wants to believe it's gonna happen to them. That the Ethiopia court system is packed with many other cases and that adoption is a very small part of what they do. Here is the message I sent back to her:

" I did read the email stating that people don't always pass the first time. I do understand that, in the scheme of everything Ethiopia(and the rest of the world)has to deal with, adoption is not on the forefront of every one's minds. Believe me, nothing on earth has ever made me realize my insignificance like adoption has. To feel the call to do something you would have never imagined you were spiritually, emotionally, or financially capable of doing is indescribable. This has been about more than growing a family for us...we already have more children than the average American family does. Trust me, I have no grand delusions that this part will automatically be easy. Not one single part has been easy YET. It's a tricky thing trying to keep hope HIGH and expectations LOW. I'm doing my best, I promise. "

And therein lies the crux of the problem. How to hope for the best and expect the worst.

I sincerely believe that every single step of this process has been orchestrated by God. So regardless of what news the phone call on Wednesday brings; whether we pass the first time or get rescheduled for a later date; it is all in the hands of a God who is big. Big enough to take care of our little girl for us, big enough to work out all the details, big enough to bring peace to the anxious heart of this mama.

What did she say!?!

I can't believe I'm typing this...but...WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!!!!

Generally, when you get the call that you have a court date, that date is sometime between 2 and 4 weeks away. Ashley called this morning and said " you have a court date, do you want to guess when it is?". Well, I wanted to tell her that this was no time for games, but she really did want me to guess. I told her I would be thrilled if it was before February 15th. She screamed back..."IT'S FEBRUARY 3RD!!! We had a little party right there on the phone. I hung up, called Saxon, and then Missy. :)

So here's the breakdown. When we pass on the 3rd, yes, I'm speaking in faith, we have been given the tentative embassy date of March 18th. CHI prefers that families be in the country by the Sunday or Monday before the embassy appointment. So that means we will be getting on a plane on March 13th and headed to Ethiopia for our baby girl!!

Occasionally, families don't pass court the first time. The top reasons are missing paperwork or the birth mother not making it to the appointment. When this happens, court is rescheduled, which could be anywhere from a few days later to a few weeks later. :( Obviously, we are praying for a successful first court date. And we would appreciate your prayers as well.

This part of the journey is finally drawing to a close. I can't believe we've been on this road for almost two years. And the desire has been in our hearts for much longer than that. In a few short weeks, Elliana will be home. And we'll be a family of SIX!

Court Date

Yeah, about that...we didn't get one this week. Ugh.

Today our sweet girl is 6 months old! We can't wait to hold her and squeeze her and kiss her beautiful lips. A CHI buddy left on Sunday to pick up their little boy and girl. She said they would bring back pictures and video!

The kids prayed tonight that we would receive a court date this week. Sincere prayers from our babies. :)

Happy six-monthaversary, Ellie girl. We know God is watching over you. After all, you are His.

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

Okay. One month today since we first saw her face. To say I'm getting a little antsy would be an understatement. Months ago it was nothing to wait 8+ weeks before hearing about a court date. But starting late last year, families were hearing about a date right at one month from their referral. I have conveniently forgotten how so many others waited for weeks and weeks. It's been one month...so give me my court date!

Hope to have some good news to share soon. :)

We are over the moon!!!

We finally received that long awaited call on Monday, December 14th!

She's beautiful! She's perfect! She was SO worth the wait!

Our friend Missy left for Ethiopia the day we got the call and she has a notarized letter giving her permission to take all the video and pictures she can for us!! I can't wait! The two they send us for the referral are just NOT ENOUGH!

I've joked with Ashley(our adoption consultant) for months that I have a special ring programmed into my cell phone so that I will know without a doubt when she calls. I've also mentioned that, in my personal research ;), it appears that most people get their call before lunch. So what did she do!! She waited till after 2:00 and called me on our house phone from a different number. I've sent her a little email every Monday for many, many weeks telling her that we would be more than happy to accept a referral call from her that week. I would spend quite a bit of time trying to make the email entertaining and fun. I enjoyed writing them and she looked forward to reading them(at least that's what she said!). Well, Monday the 14th my email said something to this effect:

Dear Ashley,

It's Monday.

Shannon

When she called on my house phone she said~ "I got your email and just wanted to check on you. Not feeling creative today?" And then said those words I'd been waiting so long to hear. "I've got Saxon on the other line"!!! I was surprisingly calm as we listened to the details of this sweet child God is loaning to us. In the weeks leading up to that moment, every time I even thought about looking on our caller ID and seeing "Children's Hope International" I would feel the tears welling up. Now it was here and I was so composed that I worried that Ashley was disappointed with my reaction. But when I mentioned in the last post that I felt at ease, I meant it...and 5 days later God said "Today". So when the phone rang, my heart just felt...peace and unexplainable joy.

I had to wait a whole hour for Saxon to rush home so we could open the email that would show us our first glimpse of her. You have to believe me when I say she's an absolute angel. Our sweet baby "Z" turned five months old on Friday the 18th. The paperwork say she weighs 10 pounds(and she's 23 inches long), but she looks really healthy...not chubby at all, but healthy. She has the sweetest lips and these big sparkly eyes, beautiful, soft brown skin, a cute little nose, all of her fingers and toes, and just a tiny bit of hair. Yes, We are in love. :)

She's already been moved to our agency's transition home which is great news. Everyone says the nannies there are amazingly nurturing and protective over the children. Children change quite a bit from when they first arrive at the home till when their parents come to get them. The love and care they receive is quite evident. It makes me happy to know she is in good hands, but I hate to know she will do so much changing without me there to witness it.

Now we wait for news of a court date. We won't be in Ethiopia for court. Once we pass, we will be given a tentative travel date so that we can begin preparing ourselves. If all goes well, we may receive a court date in February and travel in March...or April at the latest. I stopped trying to guess on these things. The truth is...like it or not...I have no control. And I'm ok with that for now.

The kiddos are beyond thrilled by the way. They told us just tonight that they hope we adopt lots more! One at a time, kids, one at a time. :)

In the waiting...

You know that feeling of anxiousness and apprehension you feel while waiting for something big, really big to occur? I don't have that tonight. It just left.

It's been very difficult to explain this pilgrimage to you. Saxon is my very best friend in the entire world and I haven't done an overly great job of explaining it to him. I've listened and read the opinions of many, perhaps hundreds, of people whose hearts are deeply embedded in the process of adoption.

Some have taken the approach of wanting to save an orphan and give them a chance at a healthier, happier, longer life. Others have said it's about growing a family, plain and simple, and adoption is just the route they chose to take. In our case, adoption chose us. That's really the only way I know to say it. From the first moment it was whispered in my heart and then confirmed in Saxon's, this has been an indefinable journey.


One of the first roads I was forced to walk was one of racism and the deep rooted ideas that grow from ignorance. I say "forced" not because I was pushed but because I didn't think I had anything to learn in this particular area. I would have never even thought of telling(or laughing at)an inappropriate joke, I would have cut my tongue out before I'd say the "n-word". Not to mention that I loved, truly, deeply, loved my friends of every race. So there was just no way I could have thoughts of prejudice. But as I've peeled back layers of my thought process that I didn't even know existed, I've had to be honest with some REAL ideas and feelings of mine and then choose to educate myself in the truth and refuse to be ignorant any longer. I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to walk this road and I think it's one I'll be on for the rest of my life. I sincerely wish more of my dear friends and family members would take this particular journey with me. And that is not a statement of judgment. I know so many who are exactly where I stood, feeling like they have nothing to learn. And I have loved ones who literally live in a lily white world who've experienced so little contact with anyone who's not exactly like them that they just haven't had need to ask themselves the hard questions. Needless to say, I had (and still have) a great deal more to learn than I thought in this area.


Another bypass on this highway has been to ask myself what I'm really on this earth for. Now, I know and believe that my primary purpose is to live a life that brings glory to my God. What I'm still learning is what that looks like for me personally. I'm just beginning to understand what the call to motherhood really means...and I've been one for 10 years! And though I can't say I know my husband more through this process, I can say that with every life changing decision we make together, I know him in a whole new way...a way I would have missed if we would have taken an easier or more predictable path. This process has changed my definition of what it means to be a wife and a mother.

The adoption process is hard. Definitely not for the faint of heart. This part is almost over for us. Within a few months, we'll be home with our daughter and a new kind of journey will begin. New lessons will be learned. New tears will be cried. New joy that I would never have been willing to miss out on.

Yeah, the anxiety of the trek seems to have lifted. It's been replaced with a "your daughter is ready for you...and you are finally ready for her. Go get your baby girl" feeling. Not long now. The mommy in me is sure of it.

Maybe...just maybe

Today is my birthday. Anyone want to guess what I'm wishing for??

Whether my phone rings this week or not, I have so much to be thankful for this holiday season.

But a baby girl sure would be a nice touch. :)

Well, I hesitate to put this in writing, but I can not resist. I believe we are now number one on the waiting list for baby girls. Last week, while talking to our adoption consultant, I deduced that we were right at number 5 on the baby girl list. There was one baby girl referral last week, two yesterday, and one today. You do the math, folks! :)

The roller coaster of emotions I'm working through is something I hope to one day be able to write down, but as of today, I am struggling to find the words. When I think of Elliana's birthmother, I can hardly breathe. Being a mom is not what I do, it's an enormous part of who I am. I can not fathom the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental energy that has been drained from her in the process of making the decision to choose adoption for her daughter.

And then there is that joy that is resting in the center of my heart because I'm very close to having another child...in my arms...who will forever be part of our family.

And then there is the concern (I wouldn't go as far as calling it fear) of the unknown. Adoption is FULL of unknowns. And I have thought and prayed and cried and wondered my way through just about all of them.

And then there's the knowledge that we are about to have another daughter of our very own.

It's obvious I haven't worked it all out yet. :)

Anyway, just wanted to update the two people who read my blog and let you know that I may have some very...VERY good news soon. So check back often!

Yard Sale Success!

Just wanted to let you know we had a yard sale this past Friday and were thrilled with the turnout. To start with, when we arrived at 5:30am at the house of a friend who volunteered her yard, there were already about 10 people working in the dark to get everything set up. More showed up all throughout the day to help wherever they could. We also had 8 or 10 of our youth to come out, armed with biscuits, coffee, hot chocolate, apple cider, brownies, cupcakes and cookies to sell. They did all of this on their own...no one asked them to!! Altogether we had well over 20 people who took time out of their Saturday (that started out at 32 degrees!) to help us bring our baby home! To say we have the most amazing church family ever would be an understatement!

And the final tally...almost $2000!!

We thank God for getting us that much closer to Elliana. We still have a few thousand to raise, but we believe it will all work out. :)

In adoption news, we had 7 families receive referrals last week! Things are starting to move now that court is back in session. And a little birdie gave me some really good news today, too. This week should bring us even closer to our big day! ;)

My "baby" boy

Well, we're closing in on 13 months waiting for baby number 4. Not much I can say to add to that, so I thought I would write about one very sweet baby who already occupies our nutty home.

Don't worry, it won't be one of those nauseating posts that make you want to scream, like...Junior is the best kid in his class...Judy is liked by literally everyone she knows...Bart is the smartest, sweetest, most emotionally, spiritually, physically, well balanced boy in ALL of his preschool. Those kinds of blog posts annoy everyone except grandma, so I will spare you. :)


Let me just tell you about London. He turned 10 on Saturday! He's the sweetest, most adorable...just kidding. Honestly, London is a great kid. He holds the title of "oldest sibling" well. He tends to be behave better as the "oldest sibling" to Dawson. He and Moriah are not even two years apart, so there can be some frustration at times. He does, however, have quite an understanding that attitudes and ways of thinking flow directly from him to the others. When you just have one, those things come from you. When you add to the family, there is a realization that children will look to you AND their siblings for guidance on how to navigate through his world. Because we home school, the influence of children outside our home is fairly limited to church, sports, boys and girls clubs, and weekly visits from friends and family. We do MANY activities outside our home, but it's obvious when one of our children do something nice OR something a little less glorious ...they learned it from Saxon, me, or each other. It's a comforting idea in one arena, and very humbling in another. We can't blame the snotty kid who sits next to them at school or that mean, unfair teacher for their unacceptable behavior! :) Anyway, London seems to have grasped that concept and, for the most part, is a wonderful example to his brother and sister.

Just today the kids were jumping on the trampoline. (Now, I know that some of you might have a real issue with trampolines, but my kids LOVE theirs and I would love it too if my bladder would cooperate when I was on it, but I digress...) As I was saying, the kids were jumping when Dawson decided to attempt a back flip. After a couple of tries, he actually did it. Moriah and London clapped wildly, chanting his name while he showed off his "rock on" hand signals. When he tried the next time, he landed funny and it scared him so he decided to get off and come inside. London looked right at him and said, "You need to try it again right now. You can't quit just because you're a little scared. Now stand up and you'll see you can do it just fine." And Dawson did. There was my boy teaching his brother to look fear in the face and keep going. London takes his position as oldest child in the family seriously. And we are very proud of him.

I can't believe we are the parents of a double digit kid! But hey, we started young. :)

Update

My good friend Missy, http://thesalyersfamily.blogspot.com/ received a court date today! Their family got a referral on July 29th, right before the courts closed ! They've been holding on all this time and now that wait is nearing an end. Hopefully they'll be traveling to get their sweet baby girl in early December. I couldn't be happier for them!

I have decided to focus on other people's great adoption news since I have none of my own. Here's our only news...we are still waiting. There.

We are getting ready for a yard sale that the church is helping us put together. Looks like it's gonna be HUGE. Several people have offered up they're yards for the cause! One family in the church agreed to have it at their house and then it became VERY clear that everything would not fit in one yard. So her neighbors said we could borrow their yards as well. Nice people. Lots and lots of really nice stuff for the sale! Furniture, many brand new household items still in the boxes, and all the proceeds go to the "help bring Eliana home" fund. I suppose that is some good news. :)

Anyway, we're believing it will in fact happen for us one day. Just not today, it seems.

One year...two weeks...

Ugh.

God's Math

Ever hear someone say "that's not mathematically possible"? After experiencing God's provision at just the right time in so many different situations over the last 11 years of marriage, Saxon and I don't say that anymore. And today was just one more great example.

You see, the elders at our church got together and decided we should have a fish fry to help raise a little money towards our adoption. Then a man I don't even know who LOVES to fish caught enough trout and flounder for 200 plates and gave it to us. GAVE it to us. Then my dad called a friend who owns a popular restaurant in town and asked if he would be willing to help us with our cause. The man said "what do you need?". My dad said "enough cole slaw, potatoes, and hushpuppies for 200 people". The man said "OK, I'll give it to you". GIVE it to you!! Then some dear women in our church made gallons and gallons of sweet tea and desserts galore. Just because they wanted to.

So today we gathered together, fried fish we got for free, added cole slaw, potatoes, and hushpuppies that were donated, threw in dessert and sweet tea that was given to us and charged our dear friends and family $7 a plate to eat.

Here's where it gets good. We weren't sure we'd be able to sell all 200 plates, but best case scenario, if we could pull it off, would be $1400 minus a few expenses like plates, utensils and condiments. We were thrilled at the prospect of $1400 for a few hours of labor. But I had added up everything we needed for the next portion of our adoption. And the number was $1535. So I believed we would somehow make that.

Fast forward to the moment we all stood around the table counting money this evening. 200 plates times $7 minus $370 in expenses equaled $1600.

$1600...that's God's math. And you can't argue with that.

God is determined to show us His Sovereignty. He is not affected by our way of thinking, our limitations...or our math. He will do exactly what He wants. And He will do it His way.

This is not about us. God has a plan. Because He is good, He lets us be involved in His plan. Then He does whatever He desires to do to bring that plan to fruition.

We are so honored and humbled that our gracious Heavenly Father allows us front row seats to His awesomeness. I can't see wait to see what He has planned for the next phase of this process.

Raising the travel expenses will be next on the agenda. We need about $6000. No telling what will happen!

One year today!

1 year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525,600 minutes. But who's counting. That's how long we've been waiting for that one all important phone call that will tell us about our daughter.

It's a strange emotion. That feeling that we've waited so long that it's never gonna happen, combined with the feeling that we've waited so long...it's gonna happen ANY DAY NOW!

And what a year it's been. The highs that come with knowing we're adding to our family, a precious baby girl for us to nurture and teach and adore. And the realization that adoption, whether it is our adopting a little girl in Ethiopia or our Heavenly Father adopting us...always requires sacrifice. God has used this time to paint me a clearer picture of Himself than I have ever witnessed before. My heart breaks for the mommy who has to make the decision to walk the road of adoption for her child. I lay in bed and think about her all the time. I have no words.

I will say that we are ready, or at least as ready as we will ever be. She's been in my mind for years, she's been in my heart for months. I need her in my arms. Soon. Please.

11 months 3 weeks...

I know that doesn't sound as important as 12 months, but that's all I've got! 11 months and 3 weeks. And in 3 hours it will be 11 months, 3 weeks and 1 day. I've done a very, very dangerous thing. I've convinced myself that we will be getting a call in the next couple of weeks or so. Raised expectations at a time when I have NO control are not a good thing. There is something very powerful about the one year mark. It just feels like the end of the wait to me. My little fairy girl that's been moving along the inchworm at the top of the page has nowhere left to go. You see what a horribly bad idea this is. I have no...NO concrete reason for believing we are gonna get a call soon...yet I choose to believe it anyway...and you can't stop me.

To make matters worse :) I have VERY supportive friends who have joined me in my irrational rationalization! They're saying things like...your wait is SO almost over...there's NO WAY you'll still be waiting at the end of October...you could literally get the call ANY DAY NOW!!! Man, I love my friends!

There were several referrals last week, 5 actually! Here's hoping they keep right on coming this week!

In His time...

I mentioned in a post several months back that this process has taken us by surprise in many, many ways. Love, support, and excitement have come from places I would have never thought to look! And it continues to be so to this day.

Several people in our church family actually thought we were no longer adopting because it has taken so long. Upon realizing that we are in fact STILL adopting, and we are getting very close to a referral, these amazing people have taken it upon themselves to make sure we get Elliana home debt free. This is even more unbelievably amazing than it sounds at first. You see, we feel God leading us into uncharted waters (beyond the adoption) in several areas of our lives. And it will not be possible to do what He has asked us with debt dragging behind us. We know this and have been working extremely hard at hacking away at our debt with every fiber within us. We also know He has orchestrated this adoption from the very first thought. So, we have been attempting to both pay down debt AND pay for an adoption...at the same time...on one income...with a family of five...

Through God's unmerited favor and amazing grace we have been doing BOTH! It's been a slow road, but we're making headway nonetheless! It truly doesn't even make sense on paper. We've always known that when God calls, He will provide a way to fulfill that calling. We've heard stories of families being handed large checks to help pay for their adoption expenses. I assure you, this has not happened to us. We've heard about people going to the mailbox to find an envelope filled with everything that's needed for the next phase of the process...nope, not us either. :) We've heard about tax attorneys calling to say there is a refund that should have been collected from the IRS that was somehow missed (like THOUSANDS of dollars), whole families taking on the challenge to bring a child home, and feeble attempts at fundraising that should have brought in nothing that instead brought in TONS. Again, none of these is our story. We truly can't explain how it has happened, but little bit by little bit, we have been doing all we know to do. Saving every penny we can, trying not to waste anything, being deliberate in where we put everything God has placed in our hands.

Now that we have turned that last corner and we're headed for the finish line, we literally were out of ideas. I cried out to God to tell us how to find this last $7000. I had no idea how He would answer. Like angels descending from Heaven, a handful of people have decided that God is in this adoption and they want to be where He is! They've gotten together with us to brainstorm every possible way we can earn this last bit of funds. We've compiled a list of several projects that prayerfully will get us to Elliana and back home! The ideas are wonderful, but what has taken my breath has been the passion these sweet angels have shown in this endeavor. To have a man look at me and say "One would have to be a fool to not see God in this, and when you see God you'd have to be a fool to not get on board and help." Eighteen months of praying and seeking and finding our Heavenly Father. Feeling very much alone for most of it, not because people don't care, but it's just a journey that's difficult to understand unless you REALLY try to. And when it feels like we have no strength left, He sends us people like this. People who sat us down, looked us square in the eyes and said "tell us your story and start from the beginning". And we did, every detail we've never had the chance to share. And they got it. Truly got it. Those of you in the process know what a gift this is!!! They get excited thinking of ways to help us get the job done. They call Elliana by her name. (that alone is more beautiful than I can describe) They've decided to adopt her WITH us. They've even said that when all this is said and done, and they look at Elliana, it will feel like she is partly theirs! And that's exactly the way I want them to feel! As they pray and brainstorm and imagine the possibilities, they love our daughter more and more. That is a priceless gift. And it was sent straight from our Lord at exactly the right time. One would think I should get it by now. How God always sees us, always does things in a manner that will glorify His kingdom, always knows the big picture, always "supplies every need according to HIS riches in glory in Christ Jesus"(Philippians 4:19). But I guess I'm a little dense, and He is ever patient with me. God will do it His way, on His terms , and in His time.

I'm so grateful today, for a God who speaks, and people who listen. :)


I'll keep you updated on how He works all this out. I promise you'll be amazed!

I can't express to you how much this young lady's life has changed mine. I can say that her work is priceless and her heart is pure. I've kept up with her ministry for many, many months. She is determined now more than ever to be the hands and feet of Christ. She reminds me again about the power of just one...when that one is listening intently to the heartbeat of God. Please visit her blog. If you've never been there before, go to the post for August 26, 2009. You'll see what I mean...

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

As you read, be reminded that this sweet girl is 20 years old...